Regulation Isn’t Only Calming Down… It’s Completing the Stress Response
As both a therapist and a mother, I think often about the nervous system. Not only how it settles, but how it activates. In clinical spaces, we frequently define “regulation” as calming down: slowing the breath, grounding, reducing heart rate. These tools matter. But regulation is not synonymous with sedation. In many cases, true regulation requires completing the stress response before settling can occur.
When we encounter stressors, whether interpersonal conflict, chronic uncertainty, or repeated exposure to distressing media, the sympathetic nervous system mobilizes. Energy builds in preparation for action. If that activation is not discharged, it lingers in the body as muscle tension, irritability, anxiety, or fatigue.
I see this mirrored in my daughter in a simple biological way. Before she can settle after a bottle, she needs to burp. Her body arches and resists until the air rises. Once the activation resolves, she softens fully. The sequence matters.
Adults are no different. After a day of activation, or even after prolonged doom scrolling, it can be helpful to pause and ask: What does my body need to complete this stress cycle? For some, it may be rhythmic movement, stretching, shaking out tension, or a brisk walk. Safe, intentional physical action can help metabolize accumulated activation before transitioning into rest.
Regulation, then, is about discernment, knowing when to settle and when to move. In a time that keeps many nervous systems braced, learning to discharge activation safely may be one of the most protective practices we can cultivate. If you’re noticing that traditional calming strategies aren’t enough, therapy can be a space to explore what your nervous system actually needs, and how to respond to it with more precision and compassion.
In my therapy practice, much of our work centers around helping clients understand and work directly with their nervous systems. When stress responses become chronic, whether from developmental trauma, relational injury, or prolonged uncertainty, the body can remain mobilized long after the original threat has passed. Simply “thinking differently” is often not enough to resolve this activation.
Approaches like Brainspotting allow us to access and process stored activation at a subcortical level, helping the body complete stress responses that were interrupted in earlier experiences. Rather than overriding symptoms, we create space for the nervous system to discharge and reorganize safely.
Similarly, the Safe and Sound Protocol (SSP) can support clients whose systems remain in a chronic state of vigilance. By targeting the vagus nerve through specifically filtered music, the Safe and Sound Protocol can help shift the nervous system toward greater cues of safety, making regulation more accessible and sustainable.
Sensorimotor Psychotherapy integrates mindful awareness of the body with trauma processing, allowing clients to notice patterns of tension, bracing, or collapse and gently experiment with new, more adaptive responses. This can be especially helpful for individuals who feel stuck between “wired” and “exhausted,” unable to settle despite their best efforts.
When regulation feels elusive, the question often isn’t “What’s wrong with me?” but rather “What does my nervous system need to complete?”
Therapy can be a space to answer that question with curiosity instead of self-judgment.
If you’re noticing that traditional coping strategies aren’t working, or that your body feels stuck in activation despite your best efforts, you don’t have to navigate that alone. My work is grounded in relational, trauma-informed, and somatic approaches that support both activation and settling in ways that feel sustainable.
If you’re interested in exploring whether this work might be a fit for you, you’re welcome to request a consultation for therapy in Dallas, TX. Consult calls are an opportunity to ask questions, share what you’re hoping for, and determine whether we feel aligned for this kind of nervous system-focused work.
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